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Brandy

another rant

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Brandy

another rant

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today fucking sucked. i feel competely useless in my math class. its only the second week and im behind. i just dont understand the work. i planned on staying at the college until my 6 pm class, but couldnt. all i wanted to do was cry and if that happened i didnt want to be at school. so i called mom and she picked me up. that didnt help my mood much since all she did was complain about her husband. im so sick of my friends that are dating and they complain to me about their bf or gf. i mean yes im here for them, but it just like be happy you have someone. so what if your bf snores at night, so what if ur gf takes forever to get ready. BE HAPPY you have someone to share your life with. and as for a certain friend who is pregnant and wont talk about anything else, yes im happy for you, but give me a break. you couldnt see that i was crying the other day. even after i told you what was wrong you went on with what you were saying, not caring about how it made me feel. i have told a few of them that i cant handle their relationship issues, when it just makes me feel more lonely than i already am, but that doesnt seem to matter. i feel like im just the person they want to complain to , not talk with because of anything else. yes i am always their for my friends and like being there. im always there when i can be, even if it hurts me to listen. ive been incredibly lonely lately. yeah i have my family, but theres always something missing. i would love to have someone to come home to and tell them about my day and vice versa. a guy friend of mine told me his work schedule last week and it felt good. made me crave to have someone and have them do the same. being at school makes it hard as well. i see the couples there all happy, hugging, and kissing. it just makes me want to cry. it seems like all the guys that say they like me are far away. to top off all the shit tonights speech class was horrible. i was ready to just up and leave. we had to do a listening exercise by doing the telephone game. the instructor told one person a phrase and we had to pass it on to eachother whispering to see if it was the same message as it started out with when it got to the last person. well when it came to me i couldnt hear the girl who told me because of her really quiet whisper and because ppl were talking. i said i didnt hear any of what she said and the fucking teacher singled me out and said "well i guess we can see who isnt a very good listener" i mean wtf how the hell am i supposed to hear when there are ppl talking loud. so yeah i dont know i just want to give up, im tired of my life or rather lack of a life. i dont know whether ill have to drop out either because mom got her old job back which leaves me with no ride since gram cant leave billy here by himself. yeah its good she got her job back but again its going to be all about her and to hell with anyone else. as you can tell im in a self pitying mood *sighs* sorry
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