my problem is the speech class. i cannot and mean CANNOT talk in front of people. it's a very sad sight to see when i do. i stutter, shake, have a barely audible voice. it's actually pretty pathetic. if it's one on one i do fine, but put me in front of a bunch of people, yeah i think not. i don't really know why i have to take that or math for that fact. how will math come into counseling? i should ask when i go to the orientation (makes mental note to self). again i got off the subject. i talked to mom about it and just thinking about it i got nervous and jittery. mom doesn't understand the anxiety i feel about it. she just told me not to let it bother me and that i have to do it no matter what. yeah thanks for the help mom.
as far as i know she (mom) will be taking me. she might have a job interview though and i asked if having a job will interfere with her school. she said yes so it will probably interfere with mine as well. she said i would have my license by the end of the summer, but nothing has come of that so far. summer hasn't started yet so maybe for once she will keep her promise. we have had plenty of time to get the hours in that i need, but i don't know. i think she likes the fact that i have to depend on her. i can't drive with maynard, although i'm sure he would be fine and not make me nervous or be impatient.i tried driving with moms ex husband, chris. he wanted me to lean back in the seat and kept telling me to relax, which i thought i was. the more he said relax though i tensed up. i just feel more comfortable with mom teaching me. gram is a huge hell no! she's a nervous driver and we tried to have her be in the car with me. that was a nightmare! she was nervous and it made me nervous, not good at all.
for my sleeping schedule or rather lack of one. i plan on june first to try and get to bed by at least midnight. i have to get up at, well i'm not sure what time billy gets up for summer school. i would like to be up at around 9ish. it depends on what time my classes start. i can't take any naps though, which is going to be the hardest part. i get so bored and rather than eat from boredom i usually just go to sleep.
all in all this has to be done if i ever want to move on and start my life. i know this, but it doesn't make it any easier. i complain about being cooped up all the time. i'm so used to it though, it's my comfort zone kind of. i need to learn to take risks and do things i'm not comfortable with, within reason. i think this journal entry is long enough though, so i'm off to bed. NIGHT!